Let’s face it, when it comes to self-approval and accepting ourselves as we are, we can all give ourselves a pretty hard time. In today’s modern mixed up world, we can find ourselves with so many roles to play and expectations to live up to, that it’s only natural that at times we can fall prey to self-doubt and soon become our own worse critics.
Are you really so bad?
So what is it that you don’t like about yourself?
Okay, so it could be an element of your physical appearance or a certain behavior or something less tangible which makes you feel bad about yourself.
Now think about someone you really like, a best friend or a partner. What is it about them that you really love? Chances are it’s not anything to do with their physical appearance or if they are a great dancer or not.
You love them for who they are warts n all.
You don’t love them because they are perfect, you love their imperfections too.
So now we have got that out of the way, let’s begin the process.
Be true to yourself and don’t worry about what others are thinking
It can sometimes take courage to be who we truly are, to reveal ourselves to the world. We may be up against social norms or may have family obligations which stop us from being our true selves.
However, in most cases it’s not really the fault of others that we don’t become the best we can be, it is down to us.
It’s our perception of what other people may or may not think which is at fault.
When we do not approve of ourselves we start second guessing what others are thinking, when in actual fact people could be thinking quite the opposite or, or in some cases, not at all.
So don’t be discouraged by what other people think. You really have little to fear.
We have to accept who we are and live our lives on purpose otherwise what’s the point?
A lot of us hide our true selves under the outer persona we project. Some of us may appear to have the perfect body, car, husband, house, children, and job, whatever.
But unless we genuinely have accepted and approved of ourselves, it’s unlikely we are happy.
Why? Because we are living a lie and someone else’s version of how we should think, look, behave, or feel.
Don’t earn your own disapproval
Unless you approve of yourself you are going to start looking to others for approval and that is going to make you into a people pleaser which has its own set of problems. Do you really want to be a push over?
No, I didn’t think so.
We have all probably agreed with someone to be polite when in actual fact we didn’t agree with them at all, perhaps we wanted to keep the peace, or the situation just did not call for it.
But how did we feel afterward? Pretty uncomfortable I would imagine.
Okay, you don’t have to start a war, but if you don’t agree with something, just say so, or politely extract yourself from the situation or conversation.
Remember that it costs us emotionally to go against our ethics.
Have a think about what your core values are, and don’t be persuaded by other people’s opinions or core values and realize we are all different.
It doesn’t mean that other people are ‘bad’ just because they don’t hold the same values as you; no one has completely identical values and beliefs in all areas.
When you go against your inner values you earn your own disapproval.
This isn’t a good thing.
Imagine being free
Imagine if you no longer had to worry about what other people thought and were just free to believe and feel and do as you please? You no longer had to fit in with other people’s expectations of who you should be? Wouldn’t that be liberating?
Well, you can.
Sure, some people may not like you for it, but your own self approval is extremely important to your wellbeing, and people who love and appreciate you will recognize this.
There is of course a big difference between being inconsiderate to others and being yourself and I am not advocating that you do as you please at the expense of other people’s feelings.
But a crazy thing happens once you start approving and accepting yourself, you start being more approving and accepting of other people too.
It’s a win win situation.
Break the vicious circle
You cannot control other people’s perceptions of you.
If you keep on compromising yourself in this way eventually you will cease to exist. You will not have an opinion and people will not respect you, the exact opposite of what you wanted to happen.
Instead people will become used to treating you in a certain way and the more they treat you as if your opinion doesn’t count or your feelings don’t matter, the less you will approve of yourself.
It really is a vicious circle that you need to break now.
Start standing up for yourself; remember your opinion and feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s.