Islamic Life

German Mosque Attacks Draw Muslims Ire

2013-05-25T09:37:33Z

Leaders of the German Muslim community have urged the government to take stronger measures against far-right groups after several mosques have come under Islamophobic attacks over the past two weeks.
''Attacks against Muslims and their houses of worship have been increasing for years,'' Aiman Mazyek, spokesman of the Coordination Council of Muslims in Germany (KRM), told World Bulletin website on Friday, May 24.
''And this shows us that this issue should be addressed not only by security units, but also the whole of society.''

Four mosques in different German states have been attacked after the trial of the terrorist National Socialist Underground (NSU) group began
The trial, in which neo-Nazi suspect Beate Zschäpe and four alleged supporters of the NSU terrorist group stand accused of 10 murders, started earlier this May, bringing back the issue of Islamophobia to light.

In the period between May 10 and May 20, the KRM has announced that mosques in Bullay, in the Rhineland-Palatinate state, as well as its capital, Mainz; the town of Lengerich in the Steinfurt district and the town of Düren in the district of the same name in North Rhine-Westphalia were attacked.
The attackers wrote on the door of the mosque in Düren on May 20 that, ''The NSU is alive and you will be the next victims.''
In Mainz, another attack occurred on May 18, when two unidentified assailants hung anti-Islamic posters on the walls of the mosque.
The other recent attacks on mosques involved stones thrown at mosques and other damage to mosque property.
The KRM also noted that about 30 attacks took place against mosques in 2012, nine of when included arson.
The KRM condemned the incident, calling for stronger measures and a more determined fight against Islamophobic attacks in the country, especially during this sensitive period while the NSU trial is ongoing.

Rising Extremism

Based on the new statistics, Muslims said the government should predict the places that might come under Islamophobic attacks.
''We should be more careful now at a time when the NSU trial is ongoing. Muslims should be reassured, too,'' Ali Kızılkaya, the head of Germany's Islamic Council (Islamrat), said.

''The state should adopt a stance that will be a deterrent to the extreme rightists.
Once the existence of the NSU murders was revealed, nothing should have been the same again and the state should have fought against the extreme right-wing more seriously and determinedly. Yet, sadly, we have not seen any greater determination to this end,'' he noted.
The danger of right-wing violence has received heightened attention in Germany since November 2011 when two members of a National Socialist Underground (NSU) cell were found dead in an apparent murder-suicide in the eastern city of Zwickau.

The cell, which had been murdering immigrants for years, was discovered by chance on 2011 by German authorities.
Authorities found that at least nine immigrants, eight Turks and a Greek, and a policewoman were killed by the cell between 2000 and 2000.
Weapons involved in the murders were later found at a burned out house nearby in Zwickau that had been used both by them and by a woman called Beate Zschaepe, who has given herself up.
Germans, burdened by their Nazi past, were horrified by the revelations and Chancellor Angela Merkel had publicly apologized to the families of the murder victims.

A recent study in November showed that right-wing extremism is notably rising in Germany, particularly in the east of the European country.
The study, ''The Changing Society: Right-wing Views in Germany 2012'', found that the number of Germans identifying themselves has grown.
The report indicated that 9 percent of Germans have adopted extreme right-wing beliefs, up from 8.2 percent two years ago.

Source: onislam

How to Foster Self-esteem in a Child

2013-05-25T08:14:59Z

Having seen the importance of self-esteem in the life of a child, many people wonder what can be done to ensure that a child has a healthy sense of self-esteem. There is much that parents can do, or avoid doing, that will help the child to respect himself. The following points are not meant to raise the child on a pedestal, and turn him into a proud, selfish brat. When doled out in moderation, these tactics will help foster a feeling a sense of self-worth. All parents should use discretion in their individually unique circumstances to avoid over indulging and spoiling the child. These points are given only as guidance.

Show respect to the child

Many parents do not feel it necessary to respect the child. They expect respect, but believe that respecting the child will amount to spoiling him. However respect for the child in the following ways will help the child feel good about himself, as well as respect the parent more willingly:

a) Talk to the child in a normal voice or tone. Don’t belittle the child by talking in a childish voice. Talk to him constantly, not only when you want to scold him or tell him to do something. Talk about everyday affairs; school, work, political issues, stories from your past, etc. etc. Some parents believe that because children do not understand at the level of adults, there is not much use in talking to them. But children who are talked to more often become more understanding and insightful than those who are not. These children feel a sense of communication with the parents, and know that their parents deem them worthy of a conversation. It is a great boost in confidence.

b) When scolding the child, do not totally destroy his feeling of self-worth. Reprove him for a particular action rather than a general “you are good for nothing” attitude which, if dealt out constantly, will lead the child to actually believe it. As quick as parents are to point out a wrong act, they should remember there are good qualities also present in the child.

c) Listen to his ideas and opinions. When the child wishes to say what he thinks of something, encourage him to talk. Don’t ridicule or put him down. A child will not have the wisdom of an adult but deserves to be listened to so that he will be forthcoming in his views in future. Dismissing a child’s opinions as unworthy is a perfect way to suppress any thoughtfulness or creativity in the child.

d) Sometimes speak positively about him to others. When a child hears himself being talked about positively, he feels that it is a sincere appreciation. It need not be long praises, or undeserved praise. But when the child does something good, mention it to a relative, or a friend, etc. This will seem more genuine and have more effect than a word of praise to the child himself. Parents who criticize and complain about the child to others, in front of the child, often ruin any feeling of self-worth the child may have. Sometimes parents and relatives act as if the child cannot hear. They discuss him in his presence, comparing him to others and mentioning the bad qualities he has. This has a very negative effect on the child.

Teach the child to think highly of himself

Encourage him to set goals and have high expectations of himself. In school and Madrasah and any other activities he may be involved in, help him to do well and to achieve the utmost possible with his capabilities. A push of encouragement from the parent, as well as concerned interest, helps the child try hard in his daily activities. Teach him that certain things are below his dignity. These could include complaining too much, asking for things from others, getting into trouble with authority etc. The child will become habituated to a certain type of behavior. Anything below that will seem unworthy for himself.

Make him familiar with stories of great people

Children love stories, and these are a great medium for imparting valuable lessons. When the children are young and rely on parents to read to them, use the opportunity to read inspiring stories of great people. Many Islamic books for children are available these days, and Muslim parents should make good use of them. Even when reading secular stories, search your local libraries for stories that will inspire the child towards good virtues. Heroes and their heroic actions are often imprinted in the minds of the child, and this will do more to push him towards noble behavior than a lecture from the parents. Manipulate the interest in stories to gain a sense of respect and dignity for noble behavior.
Listen to the child’s wishes
Sometimes a child is opposed to what the parent wishes him to do. This could be as simple as an enforcement of bedtime, wearing of appropriate clothes, or going for a particular outing, etc. The child may have a different view as to what should be done. A good parent would listen to what the child has to say. This does not mean that the parent gives in to the child, or lets him do as he wishes. It just means that the parent respects the child’s opinions although not necessarily following it. The child will eventually do as the parent wishes, but will feel that he was listened to.

Practical Do’s & Don’ts for fostering self-esteem

Do give your child responsibility at home. Give him basic duties and chores, according to his age, to do around the house. It is important that the child feels he is part of the household and is needed for the daily work that goes into running the home.
Do talk to him about major changes or decisions being made for the family. If a new house is being bought, or a job is being changed, let the child know about it. Often parents leave the child completely out of important decisions being made.
Do teach him not to accept undue praise or flattery. The child likes to be praised but should only accept it when deserved.
Don’t interfere in everything your child does. The child needs some space for healthy independence and originality. If he wishes to arrange his things in a particular way, for example, or plans something for himself, let him do it so long as it is not wrong in any serious way. Some parents expect children will do everything exactly as they wish, and fuss over every small detail in the child’s life. Such a child grows up to feel he cannot make any decisions for himself.

Don’t pamper the child too much when he is sick, or hurt. The child should be taught to be strong and bear a little pain. If allowed to whine and cry a great deal, the child may learn to be a complainer and will be unable to bear difficulties.
Don’t ignore the child when you have company. When a family has guests, Islamic etiquette demands that the host pay great respect to the guests. This does not mean however, that children should be ignored and brushed aside. Instead the parent should encourage the child to be part of the gathering, and involve him with the guests.

Experts: There is much that parents can do, or avoid doing, that will help the child to respect himself…

5 Experts Answer: Can Yoga Help You Lose Weight?

2013-05-25T08:08:10Z

''Regular yoga practice can influence weight loss, but not in the ''traditional'' sense of how we link physical activity to weight loss. Typically, weiight loss occurs when a person's calorie intake (i.e., food and drink consumed) is less than their caloric expenditure (i.e., energy is expended all day and more is expended during exercise).

''Most individuals need to change both their energy intake and energy expenditure tolose weight .
Many yoga practices burn fewer calories than traditional exercise (e.g., jogging, brisk walking); however, yoga can increase one's mindfulness and the way one relates to their body. So, individuals will become more aware of what they are eating and make better food choices.
''Individuals may avoid foods that make them feel sluggish and lethargic (most processed foods). Instead,individuals will seek out foods that are healthier, which then may lead to weight loss.

''Additionally, many individuals eat more when they are feeling stressed and yoga can help combat stress, which can influence one’s energy intake.''
Dr. Lewis Maharam, fellow of the American College of Sports Medicine:
''Yes, and actually it's become in vogue with a lot of celebrities like Madonna, Halle Berry and Jennifer Aniston. Yoga is a sophisticated tradition with physical, relaxation and breathing exercises. [But] aerobic exercise is what helps you lose weight.
''If someone wants to lose weight in yoga class, they are going to have to be in a class that challenges them. They have to make sure that their heart is going to beat faster.

''There's all different levels of yoga. There is yoga that's meant for the mind, and there's power yoga that's more of an exercise. You've got to be sure that you're doing something more than just a mind experience with relaxing stretches, if you want to lose weight.'' [Naked Yoga Stretches Self-Esteem, But Is It Healthy? ]

Jen Cassetty, an American College of Sports Medicine certified Health Fitness Specialist, based in New York City
''In theory it can. Yoga is not a high intensity exercise, usually, but the classes run 75 to 90 minutes of continual activity, so your muscles are working the whole time, strengthening and lengthening, and [doing] core work through chaturanga and balance poses.
''As with any activity program for weight loss, you should engage in this activity 4 to 5 times a week to see body changes with shaping, as well as keep a portion-controlled balanced diet . Then, yes, your metabolism will be raised through the activity and you can see body shaping changes and even weight loss.''

Leigh Crews, American College of Sport Medicine Media Expert:
''The short answer is, there’s no short answer. Yoga is too diverse for that.
''Experts agree that increasing your physical activity level is a good first step towards losing weight. So, with that in mind, it is important to choose the right style of yoga.
''If your goal is weight loss, choosing one of the vigorous, flowing styles of yoga, such as Ashtanga, Vinyasa or Power Yoga, is the smart choice. These classes traditionally last 90 minutes, and can most definitely have a cardiovascular benefit. You will burn calories, tone and stretch your muscles, and provide weight bearing exercise for your bones with these forms of yoga.
''The second, more subtle factor, is yoga's ability to foster an inward focus , making you more aware of how your body feels in all of your daily activities. That self-awareness can cause a shift in the way you think about how you treat your body in other ways, such as eating when you are hungry, rather than because it is your normal time to eat, and choosing to stop eating when you are satisfied, rather than over full.''

Annie B. Kay, Lead Nutritionist, Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health in Stockbridge, Mass.:
''Yoga facilitates weight loss in several ways and, when combined with evidence-based nutritional guidance, can be highly effective.
''Yoga is an ancient spiritual science developed in India over five millennia ago. While yoga is often thought of as the physical practice, the full practice includes all aspects of lifestyle including diet, mental attitude, choices about one’s lifestyle and philosophical study.
''The practice of yoga turns attention inward, as the practitioner observes her- or himself with an attitude of compassion. As the practitioner gains skill, a sense of physical, psychological and emotional realities often shift, becoming less influenced by the external forces of modern culture and more anchored in an internal value system.
''The practice of yoga and meditation may aid the development of mindfulness during mealtimes, aiding awareness of portions sizes, food preparation, and eating speed.''

Source: myhealthnewsdaily

How do You Know if Your Spouse is "in Love" with You?

2013-05-25T08:08:02Z

If you were asked, "Is your spouse in-love with you?" what would you say. Or better yet, how would you find out?
Most people use two common techniques to determine whether or not their spouse is in-love with them:

1. Ask

The straight forward approach is typically what most people use.
"Do you love me?" one would ask the other.
"Why, of course I do, Honey."
or
"What do you think?" replies the spouse.
And, if there is sincerity in the delivery, the questioning would stop right there.
However, if there was something insincere about the answer, the following technique would be used:

2. Observe

Does the actions of your spouse support the idea that they are in-love with you? Are you treated with care? Are you treated in a "loving" manner? Does your spouse act like he/she is in-love with you? This approach to answering the question of being in-love or not tends to be the litmus test. Most of us judge a person's heart by their actions. Right or wrong, that's what we do. When the actions are in direct conflict with what the person says, suspicion typically follows.
Although the above techniques are used on a frequent basis, they are both wrought with the potential for error.

Ask Yourself

When I'm coaching my clients, I help them understand that there is a third, and more effective way to find out if your spouse is in-love with you. Ask yourself ''Should _____ be in love with me?'' In other words, are you giving your spouse a reason to be in-love with you?
Emotional Needs and Love Busters

In order to answer your own question, you must first know two things:

1. What are your spouseﾒs most important emotional needs and how does he/she like them to be met?

2. What are your Love Busters (from your spouse's perspective) and have you eliminated them?
Without knowing the answers to the above questions, you are guessing. And what's more, if you don't know the answers, you are probably tainting your guesses with how you like your own needs to be met (emotional needs) and what youbelieve is irritating (Love Busters).

Bottom line

You must be successful at developing and maintaining your skills to meet your spouse's needs and also, demonstrate an ability to protect him/her from yourself (your Love Busters). Because it boils down to this: If you're not successful at giving your spouse a reason to be in-love with you, then he/she won't be.
Food for thought...

Source: marriagebuilders

What to Wear in Funerals

2013-05-25T04:29:00Z

The burial takes place soon as arrangements can be made after the death as this frees the soul from the body according to Islamic custom. It is not unusual for the funeral to take place within twenty four hours of death.
The funeral prayer is made up of collective prayers for the forgiveness of the dead and is called the Salat al Janazah (Janazah prayer). The funeral prayer will often take place outside a mosque in a prayer hall or in a courtyard. The mourners line up standing in at least three rows with the prayer leader (sometimes the closest relative of the deceased and sometimes the Imam) standing in front facing away from them and towards the coffin.
The prayer is performed silently except for a few words. Unlike in the five daily prayers there will be no bowing or prostration. Often women will not attend the funeral service but if they do they will sit separately in designated seats. At the end of the funeral prayer everyone pays their respect by filing past the body.

The men will then accompany the coffin in a silent procession to the graveside. There the coffin is usually lowered into the grave by family members. Some cemeteries in the UK now allow Muslims to be buried without a coffin and in the Kafan only.
All mourners present at the burial pour three handfuls of soil on the roof of the grave whilst reciting ''We created you from it, and return you into it, and from it we will raise you a second time.'' The grave is then filled in.
The Imam will say a few final prayers asking for forgiveness of the deceased person and reminding the deceased of their profession of their faith. The people attending will then disperse leaving the immediate family at the graveside a little longer.
Traditionally, a meal is served at the Mosque for all those who attended the funeral service.

General Rules for Everyone

1. Plan to wear something tasteful and conservative. This is especially important if there is a religious service at a church, funeral home or graveside. Black, navy, gray or other dark colors usually appear more conservative. Revealing clothes are not appropriate, as some churches prefer shoulders and knees to remain covered.

2. Don't forget about the shoes. Leave your flip flops, Timberlands and athletic wear at home. Opt instead for more sensible and appropriate shoes.

• Note: shoes should be polished. Don't wear scruffy shoes to a funeral.

3. As a rule of thumb, dress as you would for church. Or, if you don't go to church, think about what you'd wear to a job interview. Avoid sun dresses (unless you have a wrap or it is a very young child), celebratory patterns on shirts (i.e. martini glasses or wild prints), or anything too flashy (i.e. sequins, unless minimal). Gentlemen should wear a sports coat or suit.

4. Consider the temperature and dress accordingly. Men can opt to remove their jackets for anything outside but should at least wear them inside for any services.

5. Funerals out of town may necessitate that you bring multiple outfits or be able to adjust for different days.

6. Some do not believe that funeral attire should be strictly black in color. While the person's death should be grieved, it seems also appropriate to celebrate the person's life with some color. Don't wear anything too colorful like lime green or neon yellow, purple, or yellow but perhaps red or a pale blue.

Tips: The funeral service will be held in a Mosque and shoes must be removed before entering. Therefore, make sure that your socks are clean and presentable.

Devil and People

2013-05-25T04:28:52Z

Here are some examples how the devil leads people into committing sins.

Plots and Cunning of the devil

1. Changing the creation of Allaah. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And I will command them so they will change the creation of Allaah.} [Quran 4: 119] His mischief is not limited to be against Allaah The Almighty in His religion; rather, it went beyond that to be against His creation.
Scholars of Tafseer mentioned some of the forms of distorting the creation of Allaah The Almighty in the pre-Islamic era such as gouging out the eye of the camel and naming it Al-Haami which is the male camel whose back is protected of carrying anything on it for it has many offspring. So, it would be freed from work for the the sake of the idols. Other evil ways of changing the creation of Allaah The Almighty are tattooing and branding the faces of animals with fire.

Also, thinking of some creatures in different ways from which Allaah The Almighty assigned (designated), such as believing in planets as gods or believing in solar and lunar eclipses as indications of the conditions of people, are also included in changing the creation of Allaah The Almighty and all of such things are from the plotting and whispering of the devil to misguide the creation from worshiping and believing in Allaah The Almighty alone.

2. Averting people from the remembrance of Allaah The Almighty. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And to avert you from the remembrance of Allaah and from prayer.} [Quran 5: 91], {And when you see those who engage in [offensive] discourse concerning Our verses, then turn away from them until they enter into another conversion. And if Satan should cause you to forget, then do not remain after the reminder with the wrongdoing people.} [Quran 6:68} This is one of the greatest aims of the devil i.e. to instill negligence in the hearts of people so that he may overcome them easily after that. Actually, the remembrance of Allaah The Almighty is the best means to expel the devil, and Allaah The Almighty describes the devil with two descriptions saying: {the retreating whisperer } [Quran 114: 4] i.e. he is the one who whispers in the breasts of the Children of Aadam and who always retreats and withdraws when the slave mentions his Lord. Mujaahid said: When Allaah The Almighty is mentioned he (the devil) withdraws and contracts, and when He The Almighty is not mentioned he expands over the heart.

3. Misleading scholars. This is one of the most important aims of the devil, for misguiding a scholar means misguiding his followers. Allaah The Almighty mentioned the story of the scholar who preferred his own desires to obeying his Lord. Then Satan overcame and dominated him, so he became one of his soldiers and became a source of misguiding and misleading people after he had been a source of guidance to them. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And recite to them, [O Muhammad], the news of him to whom we gave [knowledge of] Our signs, but he detached himself from them; so Satan pursued him, and he became of the deviators. } [Quran 7: 175] Accordingly, the scholar should be more wary of the traps and plots of Satan. He should also know that his knowledge will not make him safe from the plots and cunning of Satan and that Allaah The Almighty is the only protector with His power and strength.

4. Evil suggestion of the devil. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And if an evil suggestion from Satan pricks you, then seek refuge in Allaah. Indeed, He is Hearing and Knowing.} [Quran 7: 200] Allaah The Almighty likened Satanic insinuations in the human soul to the prick that a needle causes for it is hard to observe it or to observe its effect. This is an eloquent metaphor for one does not observe the whispers of Satan and he may be too negligent to observe their effects. So Allaah The Almighty draws our attention to that so as to expel the temptations of Satan and avoid their effects by seeking refuge with Him from Satan and his plots. Allaah The Almighty is the only One Who is able to expel such temptations and their harmful effects.

5. Impulse of the devil. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {Indeed, those who fear Allaah - when an impulse touches them from Satan, they remember [Him] and at once they have insight.} [Quran 7: 201] This verse has an eloquent description of how Satan misleads the Children of Aadam. Satan roams around them like the one who roams around a place before entering it so that when he observes a state of negligence from them, he touches them with his impulses and casts his whispers in their hearts to commit sins and misdeeds. However, the believer is intelligent enough to know his plots and cunning and to expel them with the remembrance of Allaah The Almighty before the satanic insinuations and suggestions have full control of him. That is because if such insinuations were neglected, they would turn to be determinations and then actions and then a habit which would be difficult to get rid of.

6. Incitement of Satan and his partnership with the Children of Aadam in their wealth and children. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And incite [to senselessness] whoever you can among them with your voice and assault them with your horses and foot soldiers and become a partner in their wealth and their children and promise them." But Satan does not promise them except delusion.} [Quran 17: 64] This verse represents the greatest and the oldest battle; a battle whose field is the heart and mind of the son of Aadam; and whose protagonists are the devil and the son of Aadam. Its aim is to occupy the mind and heart of the son of Aadam and to submit him to obeying Satan and his party. The arms of Satan in that war are his voice i.e. everything that calls for what Satan calls for of obscene and evil deeds, and his horses and foot soldiers i.e. his soldiers whom he sends to mislead people. Jaabir narrated that the Messenger of Allaah said: “Iblees (Satan) erects his throne on water and sends his emissaries among the people. The closest to him is the one who causes the most Fitnah (mischief).” [Muslim]

Also, amongst the arms of Satan are his promises that he gives to people if they obey and submit to him. It is with that weapon that he got Aadam and his wife out of Paradise when he said to them as Allaah The Almighty Says (what means) on his behalf: {Your Lord did not forbid you this tree except that you become angels or become of the immortal.} [Quran 7: 20] His promise was just a lie and deception.

7. Enticement and prolonging hopes. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {Indeed, those who reverted back [to disbelief] after guidance had become clear to them - Satan enticed them and prolonged hope for them.}
[Qruan 47: 25] This is also one of the strategies that the devil adopts in misguiding and misleading those who know the right and the way of guidance by adorning, beautifying, and facilitating evil matters. In this way, souls proceed to such evil matters willingly and discouraged not by hardship or difficulty. If the remembrance of death hinders them, Satan hastens to mend the situation by deceiving them with hopes of a long life.

Islamic and Arabic Studies at San Diego State University

2013-05-23T06:37:23Z

Founded in 2000, the Center for Islamic and Arabic Studies supports teaching, community education, and research. The scope of its activities is broad and inclusive, spanning the study of Muslim-majority societies, their Christian and other religious minorities, and the diasporas of these populations worldwide. The Center’s focus is multi-disciplinary, and includes a rich program of study in the Arabic language and culture; in Persian and other languages; and in economics, history, politics, religion, and women’s studies.

The major in Islamic & Arabic Studies is a special emphasis within the general Social Science curriculum. It is multidisciplinary in focus, designed to provide an effective understanding of the religions, languages, cultures, economies, politics, and histories of Muslim-majority societies and their diasporas. Students can select one of two specializations within the major: Islamic Studies, or Arabic Studies.

The Islamic Studies specialization focuses more on the humanities, with core courses in religion, history, and culture, while the Arabic Studies specialization emphasizes languages and social sciences, with core courses in Arabic or other languages, politics, and economics. To obtain the major, students must complete a minimum of 48 units (of which 18 are preparation for the major), that all have focus on Islamic and Arabic topics.
Students who wish to pursue further studies are well-prepared by this major to pursue M.A. and Ph.D. degrees in multiple disciplines connected to Islamic & Arabic Studies, as well as professional degrees such as law and library science.

Courses:

Linguistics
History
Political Science
Religious Studies
Rhetoric And Writing

Office: AL 378/BAM-308A

Phone: (619) 594-7137

How to Make Candles

2013-05-23T06:37:12Z

Make your own candles for this year's holiday centerpiece by recycling milk containers for candle molds
These lacy-looking candles are easy to make using wax and candle dye...or even old candles! They take a few days to dry so make them well in advance of your party.

1. Wash and dry the inside of wax-coated paper cartons. (We used half-pint milk cartons and 64-ounce juice cartons.) Place on a cookie sheet.

2. In a double boiler over low heat, melt clear wax and add candle dye in the color of your choice. (You can also melt candles in the color of your choice; remove and discard the wicks.)

3. Estimate how much wax you'll need to fill each carton half full. Having too much wax is better than not having enough.

4. Add a few drops of melted wax to the bottom of a carton. Immediately place a taper candle in the color of your choice into the wax. Let the wax set.

5. Fill the carton half full with pieces of ice in different sizes and shapes. Pour enough melted wax into the carton to cover the ice.

6. Let stand until the wax is hardened and the ice is melted. Pour out the water; carefully tear the carton away. Let the candle stand a few days to dry completely before using.

7. Be sure to place the lighted candle on a holder to collect the wax as it melts.

Source: tasteofhome

How to Communicate with Your Defiant Child

2013-05-23T06:07:13Z

So pick your battles. Decipher what’s really important versus looking at what’s normal. And again, that often depends on the developmental age of your child. A four–year–old is going to make up big whopping stories as a way to be creative and begin to figure out their world. It’s a normal developmental stage. Seven– and eight–year–olds are going to do some of that as well, but they may have more black and white thinking. So they might say, ''I hated that lady'' when they simply disliked something that person did. I think you can let those kinds of things slide or just gently correct your child. You can say something like, ''Do you mean you didn’t like what she did yesterday?'' This type of stretching of the truth is really the result of concrete thinking because kids in this age group don’t have good skills to say something else more neutral or tactful.

I don’t believe lying in children is a moral issue. I think it’s imperative not to take it personally if your child lies. Most kids don’t lie to hurt their parents; they lie because there’s something else going on. The important part for you as a parent is to address the behavior behind the lie. If you’re taking it personally, you’re probably angry and upset—and not dealing with the more specific information concerning the behavior.

Here’s an example. Let’s say your child didn’t do his homework but he told you he did. When you find out that he’s lying, he admits he didn’t do it because he was playing sports with friends after school. If you yell at your child about being betrayed and say, ''How dare you lie to me,'' that’s all you’re going to be able to address. You’re not going to be able to deal with the real issue of your child needing to do his homework before he plays sports. The bottom line is that your anger and frustration about the lie is not going to help your child change his behavior.

Source: empoweringparents

Valuable Differences between a Man and a Woman

2013-05-23T06:07:06Z

Marriage is between two entirely different kinds of people-a man and a woman-who complement each other in extraordinary ways. When they treat each other as equals, they both greatly benefit from their differences. By respecting each other's vastly different perspectives, and building their lives on the wisdom of those different perspectives, they grow together much wiser and stronger than either would ever be by themselves. But when each spouse ignores the other's perspective, making choices that benefit him or her independently, they lose that advantage which leads to unhappiness in marriage.

The position I've taken over the past 40 years that a man and woman are entirely different from each other has been very controversial. When I first wrote His Needs, Her Needs in 1986, many considered me to be far behind the times. But my background in neurophysiology convinced me of its truth very early. When I taught the course, physiological psychology, I was able to provide each student with a human brain to dissect, and there were both male and female brains distributed throughout the class. I wanted each student to notice the vast differences between them. They not only looked different, they functioned differently. I wanted each student to fully understand why men and women think differently. It's because their brains are different.

Women have far more connections between the left and right hemispheres. The connecting band of fibers called the corpus callosum is much thicker in women than in men. There are more connections between neurons as well, and there are more neurons -- 12 billion more. And yet, their brain is smaller. I could go on and on describing the differences -- how their brains develop differently, how they age differently, how their emotional expressions are triggered differently, how their abilities are reflected in differences, and, of course, how these differences are responsible for creating different emotional needs. There is a far greater difference between the brains of the average man and woman than there is between the brains of representative people of all racial groupings on earth. Racially and ethnically, we are essentially identical. Sexually, we are vastly different.

But while I demonstrated the differences between the brains of men and women to my students, I stressed their equal value. They complement each other. The strengths and weaknesses of male cognition balance the strength and weakness of female cognition. Together they offer a more complete perspective on life than either can have on their own. All that's required for those specialized advantages to express themselves in real life was for every husband and wife to have profound respect for the differences in the way they viewed the world and think together to find mutually appealing solutions to the problems they face.

Throughout human history, however, their physical and mental differences have led to widespread discrimination by men against women. We should not be surprised at that tragic result because whenever there have been differences among us, we have tended to discriminate. And since there are no greater differences than there are between a man and a woman, we should expect sexual discrimination. It's been less than 100 years that women have even had the right to vote here in America because they were judged to be intellectually inferior. Instead of seeing women as an essential complement to their lives, men have tended to view them as personal property that were to serve them throughout life, much like slaves. Men viewed themselves as superior in every way, and felt that the judgment of women was inadequate to make final decisions, even when it came to voting.

Thankfully, we have seen justice for women. Education, the ultimate equalizer, has proven that women are every bit as intelligent and creative as men. In fact, they are now in the majority in most colleges and universities. Every male college student can attest to the fact that women are in no way intellectually inferior.

But while a man and woman are of equal value, they are not the same. A woman is a valuable complement to a man and a man is a valuable complement to a woman. Throughout my career, I've seen that difference benefit a husband and wife in marriage. I've witnessed how they need each other to become whole. And the wisdom that each one brings to a marital relationship raises each of them to a higher intellectual and moral level than they could have ever achieved on their own. But for that to happen, they must first and foremost respect and value each other.

I use the analogy of a husband and wife standing back to back, describing what they see to each other. Each is unable to see more than half of the horizon, but together they see it in its entirety. It would be a terrible mistake for either of them to claim that they had the only true vision of the world, and that the other should be guided exclusively by their vision. It's only when they respect the differences in their perspectives and they learn from them, that they gain a complete knowledge of the world.

My primary reason for encouraging couples to value each other's opinions, perspectives, and interests is that their differences can help both of them create a greater life than either could have created on their own. Mutual respect in marriage means that the feelings and interests of both spouses are of value. One spouse's interests should not dominate the interests of the other spouse. It's marital democracy. In this company called marriage, the spouses are co-CEOs.
But that doesn't mean that each spouse must lose their right to make decisions of personal benefit. It's just that their choice must also benefits the other spouse.

I'll illustrate that point with my cardinal rule of marriage, thePolicy of Joint Agreement: Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. That rule focuses on mutual respect and consideration in marriage. Differences in physical strength, earning power, and even intelligence do not alter the equation. Power is granted to both spouses equally. But the default condition, doing nothing, would be a disaster if that became the norm. For a marriage to succeed, agreement must be found, and that's where personal choice comes into the equation. It's assumed that both spouses are able to express their perspectives to each other, and to negotiate an outcome that works to the advantage of both. They are at liberty to do whatever works for both of them. Doing nothing ruins both of their lives.

When you decide to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement, you are giving each other equal power in your marriage. Neither of you can force the other to do anything, or to put up with anything either of you decides to do. Your choices must work for both of you or you don't make them. With enthusiastic agreement as your goal with every conflict, you will learn to appreciate the differences in perspective that you bring to the issue. You will try to gain a better understanding to the vast differences in the way you both think and reason. It's only then that you'll be able to see what works best for each other, instead of trying to force your own way of thinking on each other.

That's why marital problem-solving requires mutual respect and understanding. Trying to demand compliance, or showing disrespect for your spouse's alternative point of view, or deciding to go it alone, making an independent choice, leads to marital failure. But it does more than that. It prevents you from coming to know an entirely different kind of person, someone not at all like you. It's someone who can make your understanding of the world much more complete if you regard that person as an equal, and show your profound respect for what he or she has to offer you in wisdom and support.

Source: marriagebuilders

The Meaning of Tawba

2013-05-23T05:39:26Z

Being protecting of matters of Sharīʿah is only possible for the Muslim by him/her being swift towards tawba from each wrongful action committed. It is also necessary to refrain from persistence [doing repeatedly] in sin. One can avoid being considered as someone who is persistently sinning, by making tawba for every sin committed (meaning ''persistence'' does not mean repeating the sin, rather it is repeating sins without making tawba). If one repeatedly sins, let him renew his tawba for such repetition, even if this process occurs many times; there is no sickness for which a cure does not exist [the cure for sins is repentance].

It is related in the ḥadīth: ''One who makes istighfār is not considered persistent in sin, even if this occurs seventy times in a day''. It was once said to Al-Ḥassan Al-Baṣrī: ''a man commits a sin, makes tawba, and then commits a sin again, and he makes tawba again, until when? He replied: I do not see such a behavior as being anything other than part of the good traits of character of the believers''.

The gist of the matter is that what is incumbent for the Muslim, is to comply to obedience and refrain from disobedience inwardly and outwardly. What is required is to exert oneself and one's capacity towards that, in accordance with the verse فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُمْ ''And fear Allāhaccording to your capacity''. This level of compliance to commands and refraining from sins can not occur except through one being particular about tawba from every sin that one commits. The servant is not ordained to do anything other than renew his tawbafor that sin, or for repeating it if that happens to him; because this is a sin for which it is obligatory [wājib] to make tawba, and nothing other than tawba is obligated to the servant in relation to that sin.

How does one make tawba?

Tawba consists [first of all] of feeling remorseful [nadam]: meaning feeling pain in the heart and sadness from what originated from oneself, magnifying thereby the act of disobedience of Allāh Taʿālā, and out of fear of His retribution and anger.
Tawba also consists of having a strong and affirmed resolve not to repeat the sin committed. However, this intent does not consist of going as far as giving an undertaking to Allāh Taʿālā that one will never disobey Him again.

Aḥmad Al-Qasṭalānī explains: meaning those who are aware that whoever repents to Allāh will undoubtedly find Allāh acceptor of his repentance, yet they do not utter istighfār; Al-Qasṭalānī quotes Mujāhid [mufassir] and others as having interpreted this verse as such. The verse in question is:

وَالَّذِينَ إِذَا فَعَلُوا فَاحِشَةً أَوْ ظَلَمُوا أَنْفُسَهُمْ ذَكَرُوا اللَّهَ فَاسْتَغْفَرُوا لِذُنُوبِهِمْ وَمَنْ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَلَمْ يُصِرُّوا عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلُوا وَهُمْ يَعْلَمُونَ

''And those who, when they happen to commit a shameful act or wrong themselves, rememberAllāh, then, seek forgiveness for their sins-and who is there to forgive sins except Allāh?-and do not persist in what they have done, knowingly''

It is essential that one does not leave the practice of uttering istighfār under the [false] pretense that his heart's condition is not in accordance with his tongue's utterance. This is so because it is a fact that once the tongue is accustomed to a certain utterance, it is only a matter of time for the heart to become accustomed to that utterance and thereby align its condition with the tongue.
Note: some ʿulamā have specified the period of time after which one is considered to be persistent in sin [by not making tawba], as being the time before the next ṣalāh; others have mentioned other lengths of time. It is narrated in a ḥadīth: ''The angels-meaning those who record deeds-wait for the wrongful one for the length of a sāʿa [moment]''. It has also been narrated by Al-Samarqandī that the angels wait for six or seven sāʿāt. If the person repents to Allāh in that time period, no sin is written against him, otherwise a single bad deed [only] is recorded against him.

Is the acceptance of the servant's tawba by allāh-taʿālā certain, or is it just a possibility?

The question of acceptance of tawba is a matter of khilāf [differing opinions] among the ʿulamā. Is the acceptance of tawba by Allāh Taʿālā a matter of certainty [qaṭʿī] or is it only a matter of high likelihood [dhannī]? The position of the majority among the ʿulamā [mashūr] is that the acceptance of tawba is a matter of certainty. Tawba is also obligatory for repeating the sin, and it is also obligatory for intending to repeat the sin [even if one does not return to it after such intent], and this is a matter in which there is no khilāf .
There is also khilāf [difference of opinion] regarding whether it is valid to make tawba for certain sins only. The correct position is that it is valid, even if what one makes tawba about is a minor offense, while one is persistent in committing numerous other offenses.
There is also khilāf [difference of opinion] about whether it is wājib [obligatory] to make tawbawhen one [simply] recollects a sin committed in the past or not.

The question is whether it is obligatory, or is it just praiseworthy [mustaḥab], except in the case where recollects it with happiness and contentment from having fallen into the sin, in which case it would be obligatory. The correct position is that it is not wājib, and this is in accordance with Shaykh Aḥmad-Zarrūq[4]'s statement in his book Al-Naṣīḥa: ''Recollecting a sin does not maketawba obligatory, rather it is praiseworthy [mustaḥab] according to the most correct opinion, with the condition that one is not joyful in his recollection, in which case it would be obligatory to repent from such joy and contentment that one has fallen in the sin''.
Note: the one who finds it difficult to make tawba, let him abundantly read إِذَا جَاءَ نَصْرُ اللَّهِ وَالْفَتْحُ , and the one who finds it difficult to control his ego, let him abundantly read حَسْبُنَا اللَّهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ. This has been mentioned by Shaykh Zarruq.

Source: muslimmatters

Islamophobia Increases Worldwide

2013-05-22T11:37:01Z

Muslims around the world, particularly in Europe and Asia, are facing rising hostility and violence, amid restrictions on their right to wear religious outfits, a US report has found.
''Anti-Muslim rhetoric and actions were clearly on the rise -- particularly in Europe and Asia,'' said the International Religious Freedom Report cited by Agence France-Presse (AFP).
''Government restrictions, which often coincided with societal animosity, resulted in anti-Muslim actions that affected everyday life for numerous believers.''

The report, released by Secretary of State John Kerry on Monday, May 20, sheds light on restrictions facing Muslims and other religious minorities around the world.
''This report shines light on the challenges people face as they seek nothing more than basic religious freedom and the right to worship as they wish,'' Kerry said.
''And its release is a demonstration of the abiding commitment of the American people and the entire US government to the advancement of freedom of religion worldwide.''

US Ambassador at Large for International Religious Freedom Suzan Johnson Cook said Muslims in Asia and Europe were facing rising hostility.
''Anti-Muslim sentiment and discrimination are evident in places as diverse as Europe and Asia,'' she said.

''We call on societies and governments to foster tolerance and hold perpetrators of violence accountable.''
The report specifically mentioned Burma (Myanmar) in which ''Muslims in Rakhine State, particularly those of the Rohingya minority group, continued to be subjected to lethal violence and to experience severe forms of legal, economic, educational, and social discrimination.''
The report, which covers the year 2012, also referred to new restrictions on Muslim religious attire and discrimination Muslim women face in particular.

''The impact ranged from education, to employment, to personal safety within communities,'' the annual report said.
''Government restrictions on religious attire also remained an issue, as Muslim women faced increasing restrictions on head coverings in schools, in public sector employment, and in public spaces.''
Muslims Welcome
The report’s findings have won plaudits from a leading Muslim civil rights and advocacy organization in the US.
''We welcome the recognition by State Department officials that anti-Muslim rhetoric is on the rise worldwide,'' Nihad Awad, National Executive Director of the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), said in a press release obtained by OnIslam.net.
''People of all faiths and backgrounds must work together to promote mutual understanding and to challenge the increasing hatred we see in many parts of the world.''

The Muslim leader said protection of minority communities and their rights is a religious obligation in Islam.
''We hope there will now be serious effort by the Department of State to challenge the dangerous phenomenon of Islamophobia,'' said Awad.
Anti-Muslim sentiments have been on the rise in several Western countries.
In the US, hostility has been rising against Muslims since plans were unveiled to build a mosque near the 9/11 site.
In Britain, far-right groups as the English Defense League and the British National Party (BNP) use immigration problems to stoke sentiment against Muslims.

In Germany, hostile sentiments against Muslims have grown, with a heated debate on the Muslim immigration into the country.
A recent poll by the Munster University found that Germans view Muslims more negatively than their European neighbors.
In Sri Lanka, Muslim has been thrown into tension following a string of serious incidents involving extremist Buddhist provocations against Muslims.
The case for Burmese Muslims was not any way better.
In April, more than 43 people were killed in a new bout of anti-Muslim violence in central Burma.
Thousands of Rohingya Muslims have also been displaced from their homes in western Burma last year after a deadly wave of sectarian violence with the Buddhist majority.

Source: onislam

Love Leads American to Islam

2013-05-22T11:07:19Z

Growing up to hate Arabs, Islam and Muslims, a young American was led to Islam after meeting a hijab-clad Muslim at a Washington camp for scholarship winners.

"I grew up in Tacoma, and I'd never seen a Muslim," Carlos Sandoval, a graduate of Mount Tahoma High School, told The Bellingham Herald.
"To me at the time — Arab, Islam, Muslim — it was all the same."

Seeing Bashair Alazadi, a 16-year-old Muslim who dons the traditional headscarf at a Washington camp in 2007, the then 17-year-old Catholic wanted to dig deep into her character to know about her beliefs.

Born in Iraq, Alazadi relocated with her family to Everett at age 4. She was used to questions about Islam, especially after the 9/11 events.

"He asked why I wore the scarf," Alazadi said.

"He wanted to see my hair."

As he kept to ask her out, Sandoval always got the answer no.

At this moment, Sandoval decided to go on a challenge to prove that she was brainwashed.

"Initially, I hated Islam. I tried to convince her she'd been brainwashed, that her religion was oppressive," he said.

"I bought a Qur’an so I could read it and stump her with questions. The more I read, the more I learned, the more I came to appreciate Islam."

A relationship that began as a challenge changed Sandoval’s life.

"Bashair was smarter than me, more articulate. She was more assimilated to this country than I was," he said.

"I grew up a Mexican, and there was a stigma attached to that. She grew up Muslim, and there was a stigma for her, too."

Falling in love, Sandoval and Alazadi asked her father for permission to marry on Aug. 29, 2009.

"I converted to Islam just before the wedding. I didn't do it just to marry Bashair. I considered it the final step in my study of Islam," he said.

"It's not the right path for everyone. It was the right path for me."

Devout Muslim

Finding Islam with his wife, Sandoval is more likely to defend his new faith against misconceptions rather than her.

"If someone says something that isn't true about Islam, I might ignore them. Carlos will take them on," Alazadi said.

"I grew up Muslim, but he knows more about it now than I do.”

Alazadi graduated in December and is working as an accountant in Seattle, studying for her certified public accountant credentials.

Sandoval graduates next weekend and wants to work in juvenile detention.

The happy couple appreciated the way their parents accepted their decisions.

"My father didn't like him when he first met him, but now he treats him like a son," Alazadi said.

As for Sandoval, his wife made an impression with his parents from their first meeting together.

"My parents love Bashair, too," he said.

"We're proud of the way both our parents accepted us and our decisions."

The United States is home to a Muslim community of between six to eight million.

According to a 2011 study by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, about 20 percent of US Muslims are converts to the faith. Of those converts, about 54 percent were men and 46 percent were women.
An earlier Gallup poll found that the majority of Americans Muslims are loyal to their country and optimistic about their future in the United States.

Source: onislam

Eating Tips for Children

2013-05-22T05:39:20Z

School age is the perfect time for children to learn about healthy food, bodies and activity. This is the time they start a busy social life, have pocket money and begin to help choose their own lifestyle. Children of this age learn quickly and are also influenced by their friends and popular trends.

Children need a wide variety of foods for a well-balanced diet. The amount of physical activity they have in a day will be an important part of how much they need to eat. When children are busy and active, snacking is important to keep energy levels high. A healthy morning snack at recess and one after school are usually needed each day.

Breakfast is important

It is important to encourage breakfast. A good night’s sleep followed by food in the morning helps your child to stay active and concentrate at school. It also means your child is less likely to be too hungry during the morning and it can help with performance at school. Be a role model and let your child see you eat breakfast too. A bowl of cereal with milk and fresh or stewed fruit is a great starter for the whole family.

School lunches

Many schools have a canteen that offers a range of food choices. Most schools follow government guidelines to encourage healthy food choices. The food your child chooses might be high in cost and energy, but low in nutrients sometimes. An alternative is a packed lunch from home, which is a great way for your child to learn about healthy food and to help with preparation.

Lunch box suggestions include:

•   Sandwiches or pita bread with cheese, lean meat, hummus and salad
•   Cheese slices, crackers with spread, and fresh or dried fruits
•   Washed and cut up raw vegetables or fresh fruits
•   Frozen water bottle or tetra pack of milk, particularly in hot weather.

School lunches – foods to limit

Highly processed, sugary, fatty and salty foods should only make up a very small part of your child’s diet. Foods to limit in everyday school lunches include:
•   Processed meats such as salami, ham, pressed chicken and Strasbourg
•   Chips, sweet biscuits, and muesli bars and breakfast bars
•   Fruit bars and fruit straps
•   Cordials, juices and soft drinks.

Treats and peer pressure

Peer pressure to eat particular ‘trendy’ foods at this age is strong. Let your child eat these kinds of foods occasionally, such as at parties, special events or when the rest of the family enjoys them. It’s best to limit the amount of money children are given to spend at school or on the way home.

The occasional lolly, bag of chips or takeaway food doesn’t do any harm. If they are eaten too often, however, you might find that:

•   Not enough nourishing foods are eaten.
•   Children become overweight or obese.
•   You’re spending a lot of money – it’s much cheaper to provide homemade snacks and lunches.
•   You’re missing a chance to teach your child about healthy eating.

After-school snacks

Children of this age may have swings in appetite depending on activity levels, so allow them to choose how much they need to eat while offering a wide variety of healthy foods. Some children only eat small amounts at the evening meal, so make sure that the afternoon snack is nutritious, not just high in energy.

Snack suggestions include:
•   A sandwich with a glass of milk
•   Cereal and fruit
•   A bowl of soup and toast.

Family mealtimes

For schoolchildren, family mealtimes are a chance to share and talk about the day’s activities and events. The evening meal together is an important time to do this.

Family mealtime suggestions include:

•   Allow talk and sharing of daytime activities.
•   Avoid distractions such as the television, radio or the telephone.
•   Let your child decide when they are full – don’t argue about food.
•   Allow children to help with preparing meals and shopping.
•   Teach some simple nutrition facts such as ‘milk keeps your bones strong’.

Drinks

Suggestions include:

•   Children should be encouraged to drink plain water.
•   Sweet drinks such as cordials or fruit juice are not needed for a healthy diet and aren’t recommended.
•   A glass of milk (or a tub of yoghurt or slice of cheese) equals a serve of dairy food. Three serves are needed each day for calcium.
Exercise and activity

Physical activity is an important part of good health. Try to encourage your child to do something active each day, such as a hobby, play a game or be involved in sport. Some parents may also worry about their child’s weight.

For primary school children 60 minutes of activity is recommended each day, and no more than two hours of watching TV, DVDs or computer games.

To increase your child’s activity, try to:

•   Limit the amount of time spent watching television for the whole family.
•   Do something physical and active together.
•   Go and watch your child play sports.
•   Encourage daily activity, not just exercise.
•   Use the car less – that means everyone!
Healthy tips for school-aged children

Suggestions include:

•   Children need a variety of different foods each day.
•   Snacks are an important part of a healthy diet for active children.
•   Make snacks nutritious, not just high in energy.
•   Plan to share meals as a family.
•   Enjoy talking and sharing the day’s happenings at mealtimes.
•   Let children tell you when they’re full.
•   Give your child lunch to take from home.
•   Let children help with food preparation and meal planning.
•   Encourage physical activities for the whole family.
•   Encourage children to drink plain water.

Where to get help

•   Your doctor
•   Dietitians Association of Australia Tel. 1800 812 942
•   School nurse
•   Parentline (24 hours) Tel. 132 289

Things to remember

•   Snacks are an important part of a healthy diet for active children, so offer nutritious as well as high energy snacks.
•   Let children help with food preparation and meal planning.
•   It is important to encourage breakfast, because a good night’s sleep followed by food in the morning helps your child stay active and concentrate at school.
•   Limit screen time and aim for some physical activity every day.

Source: betterhealth.vic

Top 8 Signs You're Too Nice

2013-05-22T05:39:02Z

From the time we were infants, our parents told us to ''be nice.'' For the most part, it’s good advice; however, in a relationship, some men become too considerate, too helpful and too kind in an effort to seemingly align their lives with a woman’s wishes. Don't be one of them. Women appreciate a gentleman, but they don't respect pushovers and they don't feel attraction for ''nice'' guys who always kiss up to them. Here are 10 signs that you’re too nice.

1. You give too many compliments
Women love compliments, but if you make too many or too big a compliment, most women won't believe you and will wonder what you are trying to sell them.

2. You're too understanding
Constantly trying to understand a woman's point of view as she walks all over you isn't being tolerant; it's being spineless and allowing yourself to be a doormat. Yes, being unfailingly understanding and considerate towards a woman may keep you in a relationship (for a short time) and prevent arguments and clashes with her, but it won't gain her respect and admiration.

3. You're always available
Always being available makes women think that you don't have a life of your own and actually lessens your own attractiveness, making you far less desirable.

4. You're always buying her gifts
Even though the thought is nice, the concept of constantly showering a woman with gifts will begin to lose its meaning and eventually she will become less thrilled and even annoyed receiving them.

5. You agree with everything she says
Guys that are too nice agree with everything a woman says, thinking that's what she wants. In reality, women want someone who is going to stimulate their minds and challenge them.

6. You let her choose everything
Not all of us like to make decisions, and deferring to your woman is OK sometimes; however, letting her call all the shots about EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE you go is not good. Women are not turned on by men they can completely control and you do your relationship a good bit of damage when you show yourself to be indecisive.

7. You're too accommodating
Being helpful is one thing, but if you get in the habit of doing every little thing for her whenever she wants, she'll come to expect having her own butler and chauffer around on a regular basis -- not a boyfriend. If running an errand is convenient for you, help her out by all means. But don't be afraid to put your foot down either.

8. You're too interested in her
Becoming more interested in a woman's life than your own will ultimately make her bored with you. Yes, you want to take an interest in her career, her hobbies, etc...but it's a bad sign if you abandon all of your aspirations, neglect your interests and bail on your friends just so you can concentrate all of your energy on her.

Source: relationship advice